Love Thyself

Why are some people such gluttons for punishment? We are the most evolved beings on earth and we use our intelligence to delude ourselves and live in denial when facts are staring us in the face.

One key example is in relationships. Way too often people are going out with the “potential” of their significant others. “Well, he is not working now but he will eventually,” or “I know he is not very affectionate but if I voice my opinion enough he will change,” or whatever the case may be. People are invested in the potential of the relationship and the other person, instead of accepting them how they are. One thing is clear: You cannot change another person. No matter how much you nag, voice or complain. Even if you leave, cheat or cry. The person has to want to change and if your “other” has not changed yet the fact of the matter is he/she will not change. At least not for you. Plainly put, the truth of the matter is there is another catalyst besides you that will make him/her change----and even that is not guaranteed. As time passes and a person gets older the likelihood of them changing is quite slim. “Old habits die hard,” or so they say.

For people in this predicament, they might say to themselves “well what do I do? I love him/her.” Well who do you love more- yourself or the other person? Your self respect, self love and natural needs are going to be sacrificed because you love this other person, that obviously loves themselves more (as you should). When one realizes that their self-love is of the utmost importance and significance it shines through. It shines through as confidence and a person who is secure of themselves. That is what attracts a mate who will respect you and actually fulfill your needs and wants, because then the other person says “hey this person loves themselves enough to not settle, so I am not going to give them anything less than what they want and deserve.” On the contrary if you are constantly bending to another’s needs and demands you will undoubtedly lose yourself in the shuffle and end up disappointed. People can put up with bullshit for a long time in the name of love, and in the end they have wasted their time. Don’t be a sucker. Love yourself.

How Real is Sex and the City

How real is Sex and the City?

Now I know I am not the first woman to contemplate this and I have been thinking about it more lately. I love this show and do plan on seeing the movie when it comes out. And yes I’m dressing up. If you love Sex and the City as much as I do I am pretty sure that some if not all of the following have crossed your mind:

Carrie writes about all of her friends business. Not just hers. I am the only one that noticed that?
I love Miranda as a character but is it just me or are her teeth. . . .scary. Jacked up. I don’t know. . .all I know is that if I was Steve and I wanted to get her mad I would say something about her teeth.

I also love Samantha. But if you had a friend just like her you know deep down you would sometimes say, “Damn! Stop being a hoe!” Is it possible to screw virtually a new man every other night and a) not catch an STD or b) not find a completely psychotic killer . . . .well there was that one guy, remember the young one named “Sam” and his phone number was the same as Samantha’s? And then she rocked his world and was CRAZY! That was funny! But only one? She’s lucky.

How much do people in art galleries make? You know the curators? I looked it up and they said you can make up to 50,000 a year. Up to. Not at least. How does Charlotte (Pre marriage) manage to pay for an apartment, have all those lunches/nights out, and stay decked out in designer duds?

Oh and the fact that Big finds Carrie in Paris? C’mon!

And Finally:

Why the hell did Carrie break up with Aidan?

And wasn’t it crazy uncomfortable when she saw him later. . .with a baby!? Damn, could of been you Carrie but you decided to date Post It boy and Wrinkly Russian Balls.

And Why the hell Didn’t Charlotte test drive the car before she bought it? I am of course referring to Trey, who she married in 3 months aka 9.5 seconds.

Am I really supposed to believe that these women wear high heels every single day?

Or that they never have to carry more than one bag?

How much money do you think they pay a month on taxi rides? 2? 3 thousand?

Carries shoes are always a bazillion dollars more than her clothes. And I was not feeling the enormous flower thing when she brought that trend into the scene.

I can’t wait for the movie!

Beauty Sin of the Week: Lace in your face

Generally I don’t mind leggings themselves as long as you wear them correctly. They should always be flattering to your figure and complement your outfit. But the lace thing has never flown with me. I cannot believe that I just saw 3 people wearing them today and it makes me a little sad. They are not only not that cute, they are played out. Put them away; use them to work out (but cut the lace off) wear them under jeans when it’s cold but stop wearing them!! Don’t be a fashion victim! Just because they are in your neighborhood Rainbows does not mean you should pick up a pair.

Welcome to 2008 people! Leggings with the lace came back about 2-3 years ago. I was horrified when I saw them then, and am even more so now. Yes they were the hot shit back in the 80’s but we should remember that the 80’s was 20 years ago and some trends should be left to die (shoulder pads anyone?).

I don’t know what it is about these lacy leggings but they are just not cute on anyone. Unless of course you are a 3 year old. Perhaps its because they look dated and become the uncute focal point of an outfit. Its that damn lace it tell you! Ladies do yourselves a favor and step away from this fashion faux pas. Rest assured if I am thinking this there has to be other women thinking the same thing. If someone on the train is checking you out in these things its not because it looks super cute, they are probably thinking the same thing I am:

Let it go. . . . . . .

The Benefit of the Doubt

I am not old, but I am not that young and if there is one thing I have learned it is to never ever give someone the benefit of the doubt.

Who made up this phrase? Its really retarded if you think about it. I suggest we break it down. According to the statement- first the person has a doubt. It could be a first impression, a gut reaction, instinct, all of these are the same feeling you realize. Or it could be actions that a person did that went against what he/she said. Either way there is a clear doubt in your mind that something is up. Now if for some reason you believe that this particular person is not being honest or is shady, or whatever the case may be why would you still say- fuck it, I am going to try and like this person and put myself on the line anyway? Stupid stupid stupid.

This person has already shown their face, their true face that is, and it is up to you to decide if you want to deal with their bullshit. How many times have you said- well I know they did this before, but I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt. Now how many times did that end up good? I can’t think of one instance in my lifetime. I can however think of many times where I am left kicking myself saying, “Damn I knew I shouldn’t have given that person the benefit of the doubt!!”

Basically we are all animals, made up of the same stuff. We already know the truth. It is just a matter of accepting it no matter how inconvenient it may be. One thing is for sure, if you have doubt, do not ignore it. It is your own God given survival instinct telling you to listen up this situation/person is not good. There is no one out there that is going to look after you better than you. So wise up to what makes you tick and read the signs before they bite you in the ass. Anyone who instills doubt within you deserves none of your benefits anyway.

Thou Shalt Not. . . .

In this wonderful city of New York I am sometimes overloaded with images in my brain. Of you live here you know what I mean. Throughout the day you take in sights, sounds and yes smells (most not good) and they all become a part of your mental catalog. I love to observe everything around me, and one of those things is people.

I ride the train and I am out and about all day long and I draw inspiration from things around me that are aesthetically pleasing. In a city like New York there are an abundance of things to look at and I have noticed that there are some offenders of things that well, look good. I call these beauty sins. Sigh. . . . .

5. Jeans that don’t fit. Now it depends on the look you are going for but if you are thin, don’t wear jeans that sag in your knees or ass. C’mon, we have so many options and if you are on the bigger side no one wants to have an inner debate whether its denim or paint on your legs.

4.There is no reason whatsoever in NYC to have an ugly bag. You can find a functional, cute bag in almost every corner in almost every borough. There is no excuse.

3.Tanorexia. It’s an epidemic people. I must admit it is less prevalent in Manhattan but in some other boroughs (ahem bridge and tunnel) it’s out of control. You look like oompa loompas. It’s not sexy. Be happy with the skin God gave you. No one is naturally orange-the jig is up.

2. A bad weave. I understand a lot of girls wear weave, but the selection in NY for good hair is really a force to be reckoned with. I understand that we can’t always get the good stuff but that’s what the cheaper ones are for- put that shit in a bun and call it a day. Think of it as the sleek debutante look or something.

1.Over tweezing your eyebrows. These tweezer happy people make it very hard for me to look elsewhere. It’s almost like a car wreck, you just have to figure out what went on! Ay yay yay, people, please be aware that a bad tweezing job cannot just cause attention to your bad brows but perhaps other features that you may not want to focus on. Pick a shape that is flattering. And men, only tweeze to clean it up and get rid of a unibrow.

Mommy Dearest

When you meet someone new everyone has his or her own background and own story to tell. You can meet a nice man, with a decent job and then he lays it on you- he has children. Does that deter you from seeing him further?

I know that it may seem like a bit of a touchy subject but everyone has to be honest with themselves here. I love children. I have made them my life’s work, but to become a deep, significant part of someone’s life that already has children I think that you should not take the issue lightly.

Perhaps that is why I never really pursued any man or relationship that had children. I figured I was young enough to have that option. I figured if I am 20 something and I have no kids and no baby daddy drama I expect the same lack of drama from my partner, and why would it be too much to say that I have made the decision to not get deeply involved with someone who had a child or children. Nor do I think it’s a completely selfish decision.

I do understand the age we live in and realistically there are many single parents out there who do a damn good job and should not be penalized for being single and having a child. Along the same vein I also do believe that the conscious, careful parents think about how their relationships, especially the long term ones, may affect their offspring. Its something that I would imagine he/she considers every time they get involved with someone and it is going towards that deeper direction.

If you make the decision to become close to that person you will inevitably come across the child and have some kind of relationship with them. Children do not understand until much later on that “it didn’t work out.” To sign up to date someone with children is not just to go into a relationship with them but eventually their child as well. Are you ready for such a responsibility? Are you thinking of how the child may feel about you, woman and relationships in general if you are in the picture one day, out the next? If you are entering a new family unit realize your role in that unit and the importance of the child as well. Hopefully all adults involved in a situation like that will consider the influence of the child presence in their decision-making. If not you may be bargaining for something that you are not ready for.

Woof woof

There are all types of men out there. And many women would say that most of them are dogs. I can agree to a certain extent, but a good man was trained by his mama to respect women and you shall receive respect in return.

Unfortunately for the men out there who like to “pee” on everything and act like dogs, you give the good man a bad name.

Every man should know what type of man he is. It is only fair to him and the woman/women he is dealing with. For instance:

If you are a man who likes to sleep with many women, knock yourself out. But be forewarned you should ALWAYS wear a condom and also do not lead a woman on. If you are saying one thing, then get the goods and act a different way after that, that makes you an asshole and one day you will do such a thing to a crazy girl and she will, I don’t know, key your car? Slash your tires? Poke holes in your condom? These things may sound crazy but I know women who have definitely done them. I am not saying that these things are okay but if they happen to you because you were a deceitful person I don’t feel bad for you. Karma is a bitch, don’t fuck with her.
OR
Lets say your just screwing your way through life, one chic after the next and again, not being forthcoming and honest and then you meet her. She’s the one; she’s hot, funny, smart, makes good money. You are totally gaga over her and now what- she decides to play you. Maybe she doesn’t want anything to do with you because you are not physically her type, maybe you were bad in bed, maybe she decided your brother was cuter and bangs him? Oh I forgot to tell you, you fucked with her cousin “Karma,” and she said haha, paybacks a bitch.

Now to all the good men out there- because you do exist. I know many of you, I must say THANK YOU for being honest. Thank you for being explicit in your intentions. In this life you reap what you sew and that is a fact. The universe has a funny way of showing you yourself and the error of your ways, so if you honestly have the best intentions and are true of heart, I tip my hat. Please teach your sons, brothers, and friends the importance of respecting women.

What type of Blogger are You?

People’s blogs are out of control.

First of all, everyone has one- even me!

Second of all I feel totally invasive when I stumble upon someone’s blog and see their pictures and stuff and I am like—uhhhh, I don’t even know this person and I just saw their boobs/ friends boobs, someone peeing- whatever.

It’s like reality TV but on the computer and these people (myself included) are looking for a way to express themselves, however I have a gripe (as usual) with a certain type of blogging.

Why, oh why must we see every drunk, stupid thing you and your friends did this weekend? Isn’t that what myspace is for?

I hatez when peeplz type like diz, instead of riting proprr engli$hhh. If you’re going to write learn the language, and none of this juvenile ghetto code writing. Spare us please.

This next one is a little tricky. If you are a person in the public eye, go ahead and put up a real picture of yourself. If you are portraying a certain kind of character, that represents a part of yourself, and you put up a different kind of picture, not a problem. If you are a 22-year-old hipster living in Brooklyn- we don’t care what you look like! Again- myspace is the forum for that.

And finally, and this is just one woman’s opinion- post something that has substance. That sends some sort of message, perhaps something that will make people think. And if the goal is entertainment, try and dazzle your audience with some talent and not just the same old potty humor type, drunken escapades we can see on MTV.

Happy blogging!!!!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

There are a lot of clichés or refrains out there that may seem well, cliché. But they are said for a reason. One of these is that "actions speak louder than words." Someone can tell you many things but if their actions contradict what they tell you beware and proceed with caution, this may not be someone you want part of your inner circle.

People all have different reasons for doing what they do. More often than not I try and adopt the belief that they are doing these contradictory things because they themselves are not sure on how to express themselves or are truly conflicted about what they want. There are a myriad of circumstances. However after a certain age I would have to say- get over yourself and decide what you want. Otherwise you just show people you are not as stand up as you say. We all have inner conflicts, this I know, but you should also be fair to yourself and the people around you. If someone is not being true through actions and words it is extremely hard to trust them and the type of relationship you will have with them will not be pure, genuine or truly worthwhile.

The dynamics of relationships are tricky and you should know where you stand with people. Some people are in fact acquaintances and they will show you this through their actions. This is sometimes disheartening if their words and actions contradict themselves constantly but read the signs and trust that if this person is being so fickle all the time it really isn’t about you, its about them.

Ultimately you can only control your actions and that’s what matters. If you come to the table being yourself and true of heart then it really doesn’t matter what Mr. or Mrs. Fickle is doing. They apparently have enough issues of their own.

Damn the Man

We all know what rules are. They have been introduced to us since we came out of the womb and we have been bombarded with them so much that now we make them for ourselves. This may not be entirely bad because I do believe that everyone should hold himself or herself to a certain standard and respect them but for the most part- rules suck. Damn the Man and his rules!

There are rules set in place by the powers that be to keep us safe and protect the innocent but I am talking about other rules. Today in the classroom the lead teacher said to my student- "don't build that tower too high Charly, you might get hurt," she warned. First of all the "blocks" were these humongous light plastic lego looking things (think Super Mario 3 in the Giant level) and would only hurt if you dropped them from fifty feet. Charly is not 50 feet tall. He's 3 and is lucky if he's 4 ft tall. Anyhow the warning irked me a bit because she was stifling his creativity!! He's 3!! He was building and exploring and creating and I hate telling kids to stop what they are creating (unless they can go back to it later) because I literally feel like I am taking something away from them. Rules like that are lame. That rule came from the teacher’s fear of other children doing the same thing and for fear that other children may get “hurt.” It may have been possible that the blocks may have fallen on someone accidentally but like I said, these were not solid wooden blocks and I was there anyway giving the children enough space each to work as they wished. I don’t care about noise or messes in the creative/learning process. More often than not, they go hand in hand.

As I mentioned before it’s very important to think outside the box and how else have we learned things in our own lives than by breaking the rules? Lets say the tower did fall, and it fell on a friend or his foot. The friend would learn to not play right next to a tower (sorry friend) and Charly would learn to be careful building towers next to his friends because if its too high it will fall. Throughout our own lives haven't we learned through our mistakes? By breaking our own rules? Have you ever gotten lost on the train before? You learned a new place to go to as well as the one you were supposed to get to. Have you ever gone out with someone because you feel lonely? You realize that wasting your time with that person does not outweigh the many pleasurable things you could be doing with your friends or by yourself. Stifling, hindering rules. Usually they come from others fears and insecurities. Rules suck.

Instead of making rules for others make beliefs for yourself. After all the only person you can truly control is yourself. Why not set yourself up in a universe where things work for you. Adopt a belief system that respects yourself and what you are or would like to be. I am not saying be inconsiderate of those around you, in fact if your beliefs are truly positive for yourself you will in turn respect those around you even more. What they do and say will not matter because you are clear on what you need. Who knows, your positive beliefs may rub off on others and cause a chain reaction of people thinking for themselves.

Need a Fix

Addiction is intense. Addiction is powerful. Addiction is crazy. I don’t mean that people who are addicts are crazy, not at tall. People sometimes misunderstand the meaning of addiction. I think to some degree everyone has an addiction. Its like a Pavlov’s dog conditioning of ourselves because its all about the stimulus and response.
Addiction is partly about trying to rationalize your feelings and knowing what your getting because other factors in your life are unpredictable and you never know what’s going to happen. Keeping our addiction gives us that amount of predictability human beings need. Sometimes it can end up bad and sometimes it can end up good but everyone has their vices. There are different levels and extremes of addiction. What fills your void?

A Matter of Life and Death

Life and Death- you know that people say birth is a miracle but along the same vein so is death. Think about it, a life is brought into this world and one is “taken away.” I just read The Five people you meet in heaven- “coincidentally” the day I lost someone. I say that because there are no coincidences- everything happens for a reason, and there are signs everywhere. In the book the author says- the end is actually the beginning of something and I do believe that is in fact the truth for those who die Everyone has their own belief of what happens when you die and its usually tied to something religious. To tell you the truth I don’t really have a concrete answer as to what I think when someone dies but I do believe that it has to be just as amazing as birth. I believe this even for the most horrible human beings on earth. According to Mitch Albom’s book there is no pain, just a deep feeling of calm. Total serenity. All of your ailments are gone and you feel truly at peace. It is supposed to be so profound and indescribable that the only word I have ever heard to describe it is as “peace.”

Death like birth is a right of passage and although those who are left on earth in a human existence mourn this rite is something to be revered. I always feel sadness when I hear of death of good people but at the same time I know that where they are and what they feel after life must be so incredible and untouchable- that is why it is an enigma to the human race and we constantly try and find some way to describe it. The same way only a mother can tell you the beauty (and pain) of becoming a mother the same thing can be said for death. Perhaps it is even more profound since no one is left to tell the tale.

When someone you were connected to in a good way dies we lament but at the same time we are a bit relieved because we may hold the belief that they are in fact in a better place. They have to be, right? I mean there is no way to know or describe it but I don’t believe that your existence ends right at the moment of your death. You continue to exist in people’s hearts, dreams, thoughts prayers and sometimes more. One of Albom’s characters points out why people feel like they have to go t funerals. It’s because “the human spirit knows deep down that all lives intersect. Death doesn’t just take someone it misses someone else." No man is an island.

Creativity

One must be creative. Why you ask? Because it’s essential for your development of who you are through all phases in your life. Creativity comes from within and it’s something that is innate in all of us. In such a way it could be viewed as a gift from above. One that you cannot pick up or acquire in a store or by some outside means. Creativity comes from within and inspiration comes from the outside.

I work very closely with children in my job and one of the biggest turns in education over the past decade or so is the emphasis on the child. Not a stringent curriculum of making children sit straight at their desks and write perfect letters and things of that nature. You can teach all those things based on the interests of the child and what comes from within them. That is how a good teacher empowers their students. They observe the creativity and imagination of the child and find ways to integrate that into the necessary skills that they will need to succeed. Our imagination as children is something that is revered and as we get older there is this great effort to extinguish that light for the ultimate goal of making money.

Now some are fortunate enough to get to use their creativity as a means to earn money and support themselves. Most of the rest of the population has many constraints on their job and we usually take these positions and stay there because they need to earn money to live. It is simply just the way life is. However, if you care about yourself, your spirit and your own overall happiness, it is essential that you express yourself creatively as if there were nothing stopping you. You can transform again into that child like state where your imagination was the only thing that mattered and touch that place within you that still holds the view that there are no limits. Creativity no matter what form it comes in, is a way to feel at peace and a way to give back positive energy to the universe.

Some people may complain that they do not feel creative- I beg to differ. Your gift may be one of organizing. You can clean and organize your space that looks beautiful and is very functional, while others no matter what they do cannot find enough space for their things. You may be able to draw, write, paint, do hair, sew, make jewelry, be a good listener or mediator etc. Everyone has that thing or things that they are good at. These are your creative gifts and you owe it to yourself to use them. Nothing in this life is impossible- remember that. So when you are done reading this, go and create something. You will feel good when your done I promise.