Three Sides

They say there are 3 sides to every story- his side, her side and the truth. I agree to an extent. My spin on it is I believe that there is his truth, her truth and the agreement if you decide to stop arguing about it.

It is important to be heard in a conflict. You cannot keep things in or else the relationship will explode or in some instances, dissolve. People are dynamic and complex and everything is not just his side her side and the truth. However the saying does hold a grain of truth and anyone involved in a conflict or situation relevant to this saying should keep something in mind.

People cannot read minds and no one will know your truth unless you speak it. You cannot expect people to just understand your side if you do not let them know where you stand. When you speak your truth it is your opportunity to be honest and more clearly understood. And remember that what you say must be truth, no sugar coating, and no excuses, just reality. Many times in stating our own truth we feel a weight has been lifted and we learn something about ourselves.

If you have mature individuals around you, getting the truth out will not be a difficult process because a mature person appreciates the value of honesty and objectivity, even though it may be difficult. If you love the person there is always a possibility of mending the rift. There is danger in keeping your truth to yourself. So remind yourself that being real with yourself and others is the only way to get things resolved.

A Personal Dilemma

I NEVER like to write so bluntly about people I know like this but this is an interesting one. Perhaps you all have a friend like this or can relate:

Ay, we always know how I write about delusional people but there is one person in particular here in my mind. She doesn’t read this and her life is basically one large pot smoking, coke snorting, blow job giving, whiskey drinking party so as you can see she is way too busy to read this.

I guess I shouldn’t put her on blast like that but it doesn’t matter at this point. We used to be very tight because I wanted to help her and I was kind of not loving myself either when we hung out hard core. But I soon became focused about my life and cleaned up my act. No more partying 8 nights a week, getting fucked up and all that jazz. It loses its luster very quickly if you ask me and as you get older your life is supposed to get better because you are supposed to be getting smarter. Needless to say we don’t see each other much because frankly I don’t like her lifestyle. She screws a new guy, or an old fuck (recycling) at least 2- 3 times a week. She gets fucked up nightly off of any drug available and thinks that as long as she’s got money from her waitress job (2 nights a week), which by the way she keeps with her or stashed in her place, cuz she refuses to get a bank account cuz she’s afraid of the IRS coming to get her for tax evasion . . .

Anyway our last conversation consisted of her going on for 45 minutes in detail about the last guy she had sex with. Yikes, way too much info. She compares herself to Sex and the City’s Samantha and I think Samantha was a hoe, there is no way she didn’t catch anything, I just find that really hard to believe. That bitch didn’t even catch a cold. So this friend wants to hang out now and I am afraid we have absolutely nothing to talk about. I think she is an addict, I think she is throwing her life away and I think her behavior screams how she does not love herself. “You should talk to her, let her know you want to help,” is what your probably saying to yourself. I have done that. I have done it so many times. She says, “Stop judging me. I’m doing all right. I can pay my rent.” Meanwhile she is paying rent on an apt filled with 4 other people because she cannot afford the last 2 bedroom apartment she just lived in because she got fired from her 15th job in 5 years. I am not exaggerating those numbers.

I do wish I could help her but she does not help herself. I feel like, since I have known her for so long that perhaps I should push her more to get help, or even give her an ultimatum. Get help or I’m outta here. I know that she leans on me because I am one of the few people in her life that have a good head on their shoulders. She has even told me “I love you, thank you for not giving up on me. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.” But the truth is I want to give up. I guess I sound like an awful person for saying this but if something bad happens to her, it’s her fault. I want her to be all right but you can only live so carelessly for so long before it bites you in the ass.

Sigh. . . . . I guess we need to have one last conversation.

Simple Pleasures

I must share my latest purchase because it makes me so happy. I literally spent $3.00 on it and it is such a comfortable, practical, simple thing. It’s my new housedress,

Why is my fine young self wearing a housedress? Because its the most comfortable thing i own and from faraway it looks like a regular dress. I know that I am rather young to be sporting a housedress but this thing is a cool housedress. Its black, knee length, tighter on top them flares out. I know what you’re thinking- is she going out for cocktails? . .I guess I could be if the dress were not made of terrycloth. You know, like a towel. Yes, it’s cute, and made of a towel! So even if you are not totally dry after you’ve toweled off you have a dress, made of a towel, to help you out. And its black- so it more flattering. Its like wearing a robe- but classier. My life is very hectic at the moment so it really is the little things that make things seem easier. Ahhh, I almost feel like I’m wrapped up in a soft little blanket right now. I’ll take a pic when I’m not wearing it and show you guys my favorite dress. :-)))

Me Talk Pretty

I notice a growing phenomenon among the young adult population and frankly its irritating me. My cousin has coined the term “teentards” for the teenage generation out there and I find it rather appropriate. I ride the rain everyday with these little buggers and everyday without a shadow of a doubt I want to turn around and face them and yell “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!”

These kids don’t know how to talk. To adults or each other. They use way too much slang and don’t realize the importance of learning English. I am not talking about how you speak amongst your friends because even as adults we speak a different form of English with one another, but luckily all of my friends know when its time to kick back and when its time to put on our professional hat.

Learn how to speak. Learn how to shut it on and off. Young people think that’s its cool to speak the same way to everyone. I have news for them; in this place we call USA a command of the English language is needed to move ahead. I love my culture and my people and respect and admire other cultures but we must all face the reality that is the American Culture. In order to move ahead we must have a strong grasp of Standard English.

I have studied and worked with children for several years, the majority of them being bilingual. There is such a fear that the child will lose their culture and language because they are immersed in English all day long at school. Let me ease your minds. . .that will not happen. If a YOUNG child is spoken to in exclusively Spanish at home and exclusively English in another they will learn both languages. The way the brain is set up it is able to distinguish language in contextual situations. Even by age 3 a child is able to turn to his mommy and speak to her in Spanish then turn to his friend and speak to him in English because he is aware of the difference. This being said parents as well as another adults in the child’s life owe it to the child to support them and encourage them to be well versed in English. It is also important to teach them why. Teach them that its okay to speak differently with their friends but when talking to adults or authority figures (in English or any other language for that matter) you must speak properly because the bottom line is if you don’t people will judge you. If you lack the language skills people will assume that you lack the cognitive skills. You cannot be a lawyer or a doctor, a writer or a teacher if you use slang, or “like” every other word.

It’s not about selling out, or keeping it real. It’s not about sounding “white.” It’s about sounding smart and who gives an eff if your friends give you a hard time about it. They’re keeping it real will keep them flipping burgers while you are getting your MBA.

My effing nails

How come every single effing time I do my nails it’s a 3 hour ordeal? I have a vision. I pick out a color and design. I remove, soak, clean, cuticle, oil, lotion- the whole 9. . then paint. I am so happy when it comes out nice but nooooooooooo, Ms V multi-tasker has to fuck them up somehow! Them I have to remove the freakin polish on that one nail, all the while being ever so careful as to not mess up my other beautiful nails and start over! WTF!!! Then I have to wait for that shit to dry and then low and behold, I didn’t see that smudge on my toe! I didn’t even walk anywhere! Why me!?!?!?!? And the process continues till I’ve done, like, 5 nails over again but I am so frustrated that now I’ve done all this work and have to wait for it to all dry and part of me just wants to take a cotton ball and polish remover and take it all off!!! But it won’t! Too much work has already been put in. And I will not give in. I will be victorious!!!

I will have pretty nails!!!!!!!!

"You can’t handle the truth!"

Everyone knows the truth. Unless you are a complete sociopath or schizophrenic, everyone is aware of the truth in any given situation. It’s a matter of trusting yourself enough to accept it. No, many people cannot handle the truth because it does not fit inside the pretty little delusional painting they have created in their minds, but ask someone on the outside what they see and they likely see another picture.

Sometimes in this life we have to do things that may not seem very comfortable for us at the time, but that is LIFE. We have the bad so we can appreciate the good. We would not know what true happiness is unless we had something crappy to compare it to and so we need to pay attention to our current state and be aware of the things, people, environments and situations around us. Life teaches you lessons. We have these lessons to teach us how to be stronger, better people. These life lessons show us how to weed out bullshit and better yet how to see that bullshit coming a mile away. But sometimes, people apparently like the aroma of bullshit.

Keep the Change

Yes, keep the “change” because the fact of the matter is, is that people do not change. If when you met someone a certain way, they are going to stay that way. Just like if you are late all the time, or don’t call people back right away. These are all character traits that people do not change. It still blows my mind that people still believe in that crap that people change. There are very few exceptions to that rule. Like if you met someone when you were 15 and now they are 30—perhaps they’ve changed! I mean they were a child then and an adult now so it’s plausible. As for meeting someone when you’re in your 20’s and meeting them again in your early 30’s?? Sure life may have changed, jobs, significant others but habits remain the same. It’s just the way humans are. Remember this: When dealing with a habit or trait that bothers you about someone, either learn how to deal with it or move on. Whether they are your friend or lover, I’ve said it before and I will say it again, you cannot change another person. The only thing you can change is yourself so if someone irritates you to the high heavens change your situation. Deciding that you don’t want that person around you is not something to feel guilty or upset about. On the other hand you should feel proud of yourself that you chose YOU over some other person who aggravated you anyway. I don’t know about you but sanity is one of my best friends, and I wouldn’t let anyone or thing get in the way of my peace.