Carrie said that she didn’t have the wedding gene. Is it really natural for a woman to want all those bells and whistles for their wedding day? The white dress, bridesmaids, expensive plates and centerpieces. Is all of that really necessary? Or is it possible that the majority of woman have been brainwashed into thinking this is their fairy tale day of the princess marrying her prince. And on the flip side, are there a small population of women who simply don’t believe in all of that and believe that marriage- and the ceremony that comes with it means something completely different?
When the movie happened, Carrie got carried away (no pun intended) once all of these things were presented to her. Her wedding went from 75 to 200 and her friends began to question this “no wedding gene” she once proposed she had. I do think it is easy to get carried away with all of that, if money is no object of course but there are plenty of women out there that are more than willing to fork over 10,000 plus dollars for a wedding. What is even more outrageous to me is that some bridezillas expect their wedding party to pay hundreds of dollars for a dress, take days off of work to celebrate, pay for them (and sometimes travel) for a bachelorette party, and buy the couple a gift for the wedding and no one can say shit. Isn’t the bridal party, like, your best friends??? Why would you do that to your best friends?!? Then the wedding is a party where you invite your “friends” and family, seat them strategically and they get wasted. The reason why I say “friends” is because people’s guest lists never cease to amaze me, inviting their latest BFF from work and then a hundred other people from the woodworks of back in the day that you don’t even speak to anymore. Then the people that don’t make the list are slighted and then the bride/groom get slighted when other people don’t show up or can’t travel, afford or whatever that case may be, to go to this extravaganza of a wedding.
Then the bride is waited on hand and foot because “this is her day.” Give me a damn break. If you want everyone to kiss your ass while you plan a wedding and get married then hire people to do that. Don’t make your friends pay and then have to serve you also. As you can see I am not a fan of this big show of marriage. The party is ultimately for other people, and very expensive. When I get married that last way I want to start my marriage is thousands of dollars in debt. Getting married is a very huge and very personal thing and on that day I would only want my closest family, on both sides to be there. We are marrying each other and uniting our families. I don’t believe couples have to spend thousands of dollars to show how much this means to them. I also believe that much of the planning causes disagreements, hurts friendships and is a complete distraction from the relationship. You are about to get married and instead of getting closer you just have this big stressy elephant in the room that must be addressed, “the wedding, the invitations, the place, the dress, the bridesmaids, the food, the list.” For what? How many of those attendees appreciate it?
Marriage is about you and that other person when it comes down to it. No one else. Perhaps if people put as much care and energy into their relationships as they do into a wedding more marriages would last longer and couples would be happier. Of course I am a firm believer in “to each his own,” so people can do whatever they want. All I know is that when I get married, the next day I will be on the beach and I will have a down payment on a home- not 25,000 in debt and a few toasters I don’t need.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Its Not You- Its Me
Some people are so sadly predictable. How many times have we all heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results? If you find yourself in a similar situation yet again the common factor here is you, not all the other people.
Oftentimes we react to situations to that take us aback and we choose to react in a defensive manner to protect ourselves. However you must make it clear whether you are really protecting yourself or your ego. We must also decide which is more important. On the outside of course the answer is cut and dry. From the outside it easy to differentiate the two. But when you are in the situation and you are the person that feels slighted it is hard to let go of your egocentric perspective and really look at the situation at hand. If you’re lucky you may have an honest third party that can point out that you are back in your bubble and you should come outside to realize that you are yet again, victim of your own self-absorption. But then again being so self absorbed you may feel slighted, misunderstood and go right back into your bubble. Sigh, yet again perpetuating the cycle that put you there in the first place.
What I am trying to say is that when you find yourself slighted or disappointed by everyone you meet; dates, friends, strangers, the commonality of all those incidents is Y-O-U. If you want people to see your point of view (which is probably warped at this point- remember you like it better in your bubble), the only thing that can change that situation is you. Your perspective has a lot to do with how others will perceive you. If you stay locked away or snuff out any chance of real growth between you and others be aware of why you are doing that. Is it really that serious or is your ego that fragile? Something to think about if you're stuck in a bubble I guess.
Oftentimes we react to situations to that take us aback and we choose to react in a defensive manner to protect ourselves. However you must make it clear whether you are really protecting yourself or your ego. We must also decide which is more important. On the outside of course the answer is cut and dry. From the outside it easy to differentiate the two. But when you are in the situation and you are the person that feels slighted it is hard to let go of your egocentric perspective and really look at the situation at hand. If you’re lucky you may have an honest third party that can point out that you are back in your bubble and you should come outside to realize that you are yet again, victim of your own self-absorption. But then again being so self absorbed you may feel slighted, misunderstood and go right back into your bubble. Sigh, yet again perpetuating the cycle that put you there in the first place.
What I am trying to say is that when you find yourself slighted or disappointed by everyone you meet; dates, friends, strangers, the commonality of all those incidents is Y-O-U. If you want people to see your point of view (which is probably warped at this point- remember you like it better in your bubble), the only thing that can change that situation is you. Your perspective has a lot to do with how others will perceive you. If you stay locked away or snuff out any chance of real growth between you and others be aware of why you are doing that. Is it really that serious or is your ego that fragile? Something to think about if you're stuck in a bubble I guess.
This One is For the Ladies
Sometimes I am so amazed by women. We have been criticized by many for being emotional creatures that are in touch with our inner feelings and have been portrayed as weaker for expressing ourselves. I beg to differ. I feel that woman is the strongest creature out there. We are the most resilient, strong, amazing things God has probably ever created.
I look at the many women who are in and have touched my life and I admire them. Many of them have had to face some of the hardest blows life has to give, some of them purely unique to women. We carry babies, and give birth to the sometimes raise them by ourselves. If we are lucky we have other people to help us but some of us are not that fortunate. Unfortunately sometimes we carry babies and lose them. Sometimes before they come into this world and our incredible hopes are dashed or worse we give birth to them only to lose them soon after and not only are out hopes dashed but the heartbreak is immense and indescribable. But we come back. We come back because we have to. We are strong for our heartbroken family, our husbands and deal with horrible pains that hurt us forever.
We are usually the “bad guy” when it comes to raising our children- especially daughters, because we often see the world not just as it is but as it can be. We trust our instincts and our sides are often not heard because we already know that there will be resistance and as we get older we wisely pick and choose our battles.
Sometimes we are abused, sometimes we are cheated on, sometimes we are left completely alone in this world but with age we realize the importance of forgiveness and we cope with the cards life had dealt us and because we are in touch with our emotions we eventually figure ourselves out as well as others.
Women who have seen such extents of adversity are living proof that we are strong beings. There is a reason why many of these things don’t happen to men- because they can’t handle emotional stress the way we can. I happen to know some of the strongest women I will ever meet in my life and they help me realize how lucky I am and to never feel sorry for myself. I appreciate and try my best not to hate on any other lady because we are all connected. Once you strip down ego, jealousy, and any other selfish feeling we put in our way we have the capacity to support one another in a way that can’t be tested. We can have strong bond like that of a fraternity but ours is much deeper because it is based on emotion, as well as shared experiences, affection and empathy.
Big up to all my strong ladies out there. This world would be in shambles without us.
I look at the many women who are in and have touched my life and I admire them. Many of them have had to face some of the hardest blows life has to give, some of them purely unique to women. We carry babies, and give birth to the sometimes raise them by ourselves. If we are lucky we have other people to help us but some of us are not that fortunate. Unfortunately sometimes we carry babies and lose them. Sometimes before they come into this world and our incredible hopes are dashed or worse we give birth to them only to lose them soon after and not only are out hopes dashed but the heartbreak is immense and indescribable. But we come back. We come back because we have to. We are strong for our heartbroken family, our husbands and deal with horrible pains that hurt us forever.
We are usually the “bad guy” when it comes to raising our children- especially daughters, because we often see the world not just as it is but as it can be. We trust our instincts and our sides are often not heard because we already know that there will be resistance and as we get older we wisely pick and choose our battles.
Sometimes we are abused, sometimes we are cheated on, sometimes we are left completely alone in this world but with age we realize the importance of forgiveness and we cope with the cards life had dealt us and because we are in touch with our emotions we eventually figure ourselves out as well as others.
Women who have seen such extents of adversity are living proof that we are strong beings. There is a reason why many of these things don’t happen to men- because they can’t handle emotional stress the way we can. I happen to know some of the strongest women I will ever meet in my life and they help me realize how lucky I am and to never feel sorry for myself. I appreciate and try my best not to hate on any other lady because we are all connected. Once you strip down ego, jealousy, and any other selfish feeling we put in our way we have the capacity to support one another in a way that can’t be tested. We can have strong bond like that of a fraternity but ours is much deeper because it is based on emotion, as well as shared experiences, affection and empathy.
Big up to all my strong ladies out there. This world would be in shambles without us.
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