Tell it Like it Is

Hello World!!

2009-06-08T07:52:00.000-07:00

I appreciate all types of people. Because I believe that God has created all different types of people that believe in different things. . .yadda yadda yadda , you get the point.

I also believe that God has blessed most of us with common sense as well as instincts. Why is it that some people choose to ignore these two life saving, stress reducing and practical tools that God has given us?

I can see if you had a messed up life, if you didn't have proper guidance growing up or there were some events that really screwed up your perception but what about if you have lived a normal happy life with a good family and support system, access to a good education etc.? Why do some ignore the reality of a situation and others embrace the realness of life?

I am not saying to not think outside the box and not to dream because these things are very important as well. We would be nothing as a people of it were not for imagination. However, I think that you should view life with more of a balance. With your head towards the sky but at least one foot on the ground becasue when you get down it we all exisit on the same place in the same world in some form of society. Live your dreams but realize that you must live in the real world as well. Not following? here are a few examples:

Girl been treated bad by boys. Girl meets new boy. This boy kinda unattractive but very nice so girl moves to new country and stays with boy. Girl realizes boy doesn't like to work so she must support boy. Time rough but boy convinces girl- over and over again- that this is right becasue its love. Girl grows deeper in debt and more lonely becasue she cannot bring herself to lose the security of not being "alone," and justifies that its okay becasue at least he does not cheat on her.

Boy meets girl. They move in fast. Claim love. Have baby even faster. She cuts him off from freinds and family. She drains boy of his fun, life and money. But its all good cuz "thats what marriage is. You gotta make sacrifices."

Boy been living off girl for a long time. Girl finally gets fed up kicks boy out and he has to go live somewhere else. Instead of going to parents house chooses to crash on couches and be homeless. Will prove to the world that she didn't understand him and that he is the victim.

What is wrong with these pictures?!?! People allow themselves to lose their way becasue they give way to their own insecurities, laziness and ego. Shit happens. Face the world, work with your reality, and keep it moving!

Pretty on Steroids

2009-06-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

We see them all around, usually when we are in our 20's , up in the club, on videos or things like that. Sometimes thought we meet them in real life. I am talking about women who are pretty, and i mean unquestionably pretty, and they have their hair done, tips on their nails, boobs pushed up, tight dress hugging the curves, colored contacts, and perhaps even injections and implants here and there- depends on the woman. I see these woman and of course I think- wow they are pretty, but i can't help but wonder what they would look like if they took off the fake nails,didn't wear the lashes, etc. Most times I come to the conclusion that this woman would still be pretty without all that stuff. So why the need for all the extra fluff? Its like overkill and leaves me thinking "do you ever take a day off?"

When women take "pretty" to this extreme I call it pretty on steroids. ALL of their natural beauty is enhanced but in a very obvious way. I am all for enhncement of what you already have. I wear makeup everyday- but you can't tell. I work out and eat well- but i don't deprive myself. I do my hair, but don't feel the need for extensions and frequent visits to the salon to keep up with all the other women out there. I have small lips but will not go so far as lip injections. Usually when you get work done thats exaclty what your face looks like- that you have had work done. What it comes down to is that if you feel the need to do all that extra crap to your appearance it doesn't matter if the rest of the world sees you as pretty or not becasue you obviously do not see yourself that way. If you find yourself spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars each month just to "look good," you need to reevaluate why you want to change all these things about yourself. All the the botox, push up and skin tight clothes in the world is not a substitute for real confidence or real self esteem.

The Return of Saturn

2009-04-08T09:42:00.000-07:00

This has been a reoccurring theme as of late because I am I fact turning 30 this year and also getting married. The return of Saturn is defined as “an astrological phenomenon that occurs at the ages of 27-30, 58-60, and finally from 86-88, coinciding with the time it takes the planet Saturn to make one orbit around the sun. It is believed by astrologers that as Saturn "returns" to the degree in which it occupied at the time of birth -- approximately every 29.5 years -- a person crosses over a major threshold and into the next stage of life.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturn_return.

Take heed of this information. I realize that not everyone believes in astrology but I however do not believe in coincidences. There is to much relevancy to this asrtological phenomenon. The problem is that some people still tend to be so conveluded in their judgement and self realization that they still think they are doing the right thing. If you are worse off today then you were at the beginning of your 29 year point then you have not clearly assessed your life. Just because you may have changed one thing- job or location or something like that, have you really changed your bad habits? You know, those things we do that lead us to the same frustration and misery. Are you still letting others (men/women) manipulate you? Are you still trying to fix damaged people? Are still going against your better judgement just to not make others upset? These are the structures your life has been built upon so far and if these strucutres are unsound and not leading you to a place of joy and fullfillment then you are doing something wrong! I have said it a million times before but you are the one who makes or breaks your life. You for the most part can control your own happiness. The hard part is realizing that your operating system, which you are so comfortable with, may need to be changed. But once you realize it and jump in with both feet the rewards are much greater. You no longer have to make excuses for your behavior or that of others. Isn’t that liberating?

If I Wanted To

2009-03-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

As I peruse the newest obsession maker, facebook, I come across an old coworkers profile. A friend of mine for a spell for sure. In case you are not familiar with the facebook process, it feels the need to update everyone on your friends list of everything you have done up to the last minute. If you took a sh@$, threw a snowball, listened to music. Everything. One of these updates includes pictures.

So she has updated her pics and posted many photos of her at the school we used to work at together. It made me miss the school slightly. It was very neat, organized and what not, but i definitely would never want to work there again. You see, they are in fact, kind of an undercover Scientology school and I am not kidding when I tell you they tried to brainwash me.

So I am looking at all the pics and all I can think to myself is "(Enter school name here) for life man!!!" These people suck you in and trust me when I tell you that they do not let go easily. I didn't' know if it's because they feel like failures inside when they can't get someone to commit or if it is because they are afraid of being exposed. At any rate it made me think of what my life would have been like had i not "defected" from the "group."

If I wanted to be POOR and get the equivalent of dirt in an envelope once a month I could have stayed there. If i wanted to work with a 104 fever and have no health insurance and no one to cover my class while i was dying, I could have stayed there. If I wanted to be berated ("slut, whore etc!") during "drills" that were designed to make me desensitized to the distractions and annoyances, so that i can "confront" anything head on, I could have stayed there.

If I wanted to be told how to dress, inside and outside of school, how and what to talk about with others in the "group," and have every conversation on the school phone listened in on, I would have stayed there.

In essence, even if i wanted to go back to the school to see the progress of the amazing students there, the innocent brilliant lives that they, in my opnion, isolate and manipulate, I couldn't because it is not a free zone for me. I am sure they have me on some kind of list as a "suppressive person" (these lists really do exist).

What is funny is that the year after I left my class's new teacher contacted me and asked me how to get the kids to stop talking about me. "Well Ms. V didn't do it that way- or Lets play the game from Ms. V's class, or lets dance instead of gym!" She asked if it was okay for me to write them a goodbye note and for them to send me one as well. I had no problem with that. That was the least I could do for them if it was hard for them to let go. Those kids will forever remain in my heart and to tell you the truth if the school administrators weren't so obsessed into turning me into one of them I would have stayed longer.

In the end I made the best decision for me, and thats all anyone can do. I miss the school grounds, the kids and the families but in truth my time in that city was up anyway.

And at least I know now why Tom Cruise is so weird.

I'm Over It

2009-03-19T14:36:00.000-07:00

One of the things i love to do most in NYC is people watch. That's part of the reason I don't mind taking the train all the time and walking from school to school for my job. I think that there is no other place in the world like NYC and one of my favorite things i love about his place is the fashion forwardness if you will. That being said, i need to address some thing I have been noticing and trends that are in my opinion - defunct.

Uggs- The boot Uggs. The camel ones. Sooooooo over it. Wake up people, you just spent 130 on a pair of fuzzy lined boots that you can't even wear when it snows. Everyone and their mother has them and they are PLAYED OUT. Put them away. Give them away, throw them away. I don't care what you do with them really but they were not very cute when they first came out and they still aren't. They are reminiscent of camel feet, which leads people to think of camel toe, and ladies- you don't want to be associated with that!

The Faux Hawk hair bump thing- If they start making infomercials on how you can create it " fast and easy, and you get two more free if you order now!" using some plastic thing, the trend is over. First of all this hairstyle is not for everyone, lets be real. if you have a five head, or long face, its gonna be a no on the faux hawk bump. Yes I have been guilty of rocking it once or twice but it was because i was in a bind and i was growing out my blunt cut bangs. . .which by the way are on their way out too. . .Tyra wore those things to death. . .Anyway, as a general principle if everyone is doing/wearing it, it gets old fast. I am so disappointed- this is NY, where is the creativity? I am ready for something new!

Ballet flats. Over 'em. Personally they kill my feet because of the lack of support and again everyone has them. They are only good for work. There are much cuter flat shoes coming out that aren't quite "ballet" style and you best believe I am going to snatch up the pair I saw last night on my way home as soon as I get my spring/summer money together.

That's all for now!

xoxo
GG

Liar Liar

2009-03-12T12:42:00.000-07:00

If you have to spin a story so that you don't look like an asshole, then you're a liar. If you have to embellish parts or leave them out to save face, you're a liar. If you tell one person one thing and another person a different version of that, then you're a liar.

If you have to lie about anything then there is something wrong. What is it you are not proud of? What are you holding back? The fact that other people will think of you a certain way? Well believe me that if you have a lying personality then people already know you are full of shit, especially if they have been around you enough. When you notice that people around you are listening to your crap and just nodding their head and smiling, the jig is up. You have put yourself into the place that only liars know. Its a lonely place and the only way to get out is to come clean with yourself. The only problem is that you are so used to lying to everyone, including yourself that this is now your reality. You have begun to believe the crap that you spew to everyone, so what do you do? You go and find "new" friends that don't realize you are a liar yet, but inevitably you will be found out yet perpetuating the cycle. Good luck with that.

Being honest is not always easy but take it from me, it sure feels good. To be honest with yourself and others is a way to destress the bad energy that others try and put on to you. I am not saying you have to yell in their face about what a liar they are (for instance), but you can just say "whatever. I will believe what you are saying when I see a change in your actions." That's all. Usually these people will find the newbie friends that i mentioned before but when your at that point, who cares anyway.

Sister Sister

2008-10-13T00:04:00.000-07:00

I know that Sex and The City gets a lot of slack but there are plenty of reasons- small and big (no pun intended) to love it. I was just watching the episode where Carrie’s computer crashes and Miranda’s mom dies after a heart attack. In the hospital Miranda sister walks by and tells her not to use her cell phone. Who new that Miranda had a sister? I never realized until today. And then I thought – she has a sister but Carrie and the girls are like her REAL sisters. And then I thought- damn can women have relationships like that with each other- I mean for real?
The answer I believe is yes. Absolutely. But I don’t think you get four of those friends in your life. At least not all at one time. I have many friends but very few sisters. And they way it happens on the show- the women all knowing each other and being friends like that is definitely not the case in real life. Carrie was ready to jump on a train and be by Miranda’s side in the hospital. You are lucky if you get one friend who just has your back like that. Anyway the point is not the amount you have or if they all are friends with each other, the point is to recognize when you have sisters- and I mean real sisters. Not call you once every 6 month sisters, or call when shit is just hunky dory and then when they got man trouble they call, or we just get together for major events sisters. I mean the ones that call you just to tell you the dumb shit they saw on the street or TV. The ones that are straight up with you and don’t avoid bochinche (juicy gossip)- cuz shit, what the hell are your sisters for if you can’t TALK to them. These are people you feel 100% comfortable with and your heart would break into a million pieces if they were gone from your life. THOSE are your real people.

Not everyone can be your bestest friend in the whole world, that’s just the way life is and that’s why the sister friends are so special. All I know is I appreciate my sisters!! Now go call your best friend sister person and go gossip about something .

I Don't

2008-08-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

Carrie said that she didn’t have the wedding gene. Is it really natural for a woman to want all those bells and whistles for their wedding day? The white dress, bridesmaids, expensive plates and centerpieces. Is all of that really necessary? Or is it possible that the majority of woman have been brainwashed into thinking this is their fairy tale day of the princess marrying her prince. And on the flip side, are there a small population of women who simply don’t believe in all of that and believe that marriage- and the ceremony that comes with it means something completely different?

When the movie happened, Carrie got carried away (no pun intended) once all of these things were presented to her. Her wedding went from 75 to 200 and her friends began to question this “no wedding gene” she once proposed she had. I do think it is easy to get carried away with all of that, if money is no object of course but there are plenty of women out there that are more than willing to fork over 10,000 plus dollars for a wedding. What is even more outrageous to me is that some bridezillas expect their wedding party to pay hundreds of dollars for a dress, take days off of work to celebrate, pay for them (and sometimes travel) for a bachelorette party, and buy the couple a gift for the wedding and no one can say shit. Isn’t the bridal party, like, your best friends??? Why would you do that to your best friends?!? Then the wedding is a party where you invite your “friends” and family, seat them strategically and they get wasted. The reason why I say “friends” is because people’s guest lists never cease to amaze me, inviting their latest BFF from work and then a hundred other people from the woodworks of back in the day that you don’t even speak to anymore. Then the people that don’t make the list are slighted and then the bride/groom get slighted when other people don’t show up or can’t travel, afford or whatever that case may be, to go to this extravaganza of a wedding.

Then the bride is waited on hand and foot because “this is her day.” Give me a damn break. If you want everyone to kiss your ass while you plan a wedding and get married then hire people to do that. Don’t make your friends pay and then have to serve you also. As you can see I am not a fan of this big show of marriage. The party is ultimately for other people, and very expensive. When I get married that last way I want to start my marriage is thousands of dollars in debt. Getting married is a very huge and very personal thing and on that day I would only want my closest family, on both sides to be there. We are marrying each other and uniting our families. I don’t believe couples have to spend thousands of dollars to show how much this means to them. I also believe that much of the planning causes disagreements, hurts friendships and is a complete distraction from the relationship. You are about to get married and instead of getting closer you just have this big stressy elephant in the room that must be addressed, “the wedding, the invitations, the place, the dress, the bridesmaids, the food, the list.” For what? How many of those attendees appreciate it?

Marriage is about you and that other person when it comes down to it. No one else. Perhaps if people put as much care and energy into their relationships as they do into a wedding more marriages would last longer and couples would be happier. Of course I am a firm believer in “to each his own,” so people can do whatever they want. All I know is that when I get married, the next day I will be on the beach and I will have a down payment on a home- not 25,000 in debt and a few toasters I don’t need.

Its Not You- Its Me

2008-08-22T09:17:00.000-07:00

Some people are so sadly predictable. How many times have we all heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results? If you find yourself in a similar situation yet again the common factor here is you, not all the other people.

Oftentimes we react to situations to that take us aback and we choose to react in a defensive manner to protect ourselves. However you must make it clear whether you are really protecting yourself or your ego. We must also decide which is more important. On the outside of course the answer is cut and dry. From the outside it easy to differentiate the two. But when you are in the situation and you are the person that feels slighted it is hard to let go of your egocentric perspective and really look at the situation at hand. If you’re lucky you may have an honest third party that can point out that you are back in your bubble and you should come outside to realize that you are yet again, victim of your own self-absorption. But then again being so self absorbed you may feel slighted, misunderstood and go right back into your bubble. Sigh, yet again perpetuating the cycle that put you there in the first place.

What I am trying to say is that when you find yourself slighted or disappointed by everyone you meet; dates, friends, strangers, the commonality of all those incidents is Y-O-U. If you want people to see your point of view (which is probably warped at this point- remember you like it better in your bubble), the only thing that can change that situation is you. Your perspective has a lot to do with how others will perceive you. If you stay locked away or snuff out any chance of real growth between you and others be aware of why you are doing that. Is it really that serious or is your ego that fragile? Something to think about if you're stuck in a bubble I guess.

This One is For the Ladies

2008-08-22T08:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I am so amazed by women. We have been criticized by many for being emotional creatures that are in touch with our inner feelings and have been portrayed as weaker for expressing ourselves. I beg to differ. I feel that woman is the strongest creature out there. We are the most resilient, strong, amazing things God has probably ever created.

I look at the many women who are in and have touched my life and I admire them. Many of them have had to face some of the hardest blows life has to give, some of them purely unique to women. We carry babies, and give birth to the sometimes raise them by ourselves. If we are lucky we have other people to help us but some of us are not that fortunate. Unfortunately sometimes we carry babies and lose them. Sometimes before they come into this world and our incredible hopes are dashed or worse we give birth to them only to lose them soon after and not only are out hopes dashed but the heartbreak is immense and indescribable. But we come back. We come back because we have to. We are strong for our heartbroken family, our husbands and deal with horrible pains that hurt us forever.

We are usually the “bad guy” when it comes to raising our children- especially daughters, because we often see the world not just as it is but as it can be. We trust our instincts and our sides are often not heard because we already know that there will be resistance and as we get older we wisely pick and choose our battles.

Sometimes we are abused, sometimes we are cheated on, sometimes we are left completely alone in this world but with age we realize the importance of forgiveness and we cope with the cards life had dealt us and because we are in touch with our emotions we eventually figure ourselves out as well as others.

Women who have seen such extents of adversity are living proof that we are strong beings. There is a reason why many of these things don’t happen to men- because they can’t handle emotional stress the way we can. I happen to know some of the strongest women I will ever meet in my life and they help me realize how lucky I am and to never feel sorry for myself. I appreciate and try my best not to hate on any other lady because we are all connected. Once you strip down ego, jealousy, and any other selfish feeling we put in our way we have the capacity to support one another in a way that can’t be tested. We can have strong bond like that of a fraternity but ours is much deeper because it is based on emotion, as well as shared experiences, affection and empathy.

Big up to all my strong ladies out there. This world would be in shambles without us.

Three Sides

2008-07-15T17:18:00.000-07:00

They say there are 3 sides to every story- his side, her side and the truth. I agree to an extent. My spin on it is I believe that there is his truth, her truth and the agreement if you decide to stop arguing about it.

It is important to be heard in a conflict. You cannot keep things in or else the relationship will explode or in some instances, dissolve. People are dynamic and complex and everything is not just his side her side and the truth. However the saying does hold a grain of truth and anyone involved in a conflict or situation relevant to this saying should keep something in mind.

People cannot read minds and no one will know your truth unless you speak it. You cannot expect people to just understand your side if you do not let them know where you stand. When you speak your truth it is your opportunity to be honest and more clearly understood. And remember that what you say must be truth, no sugar coating, and no excuses, just reality. Many times in stating our own truth we feel a weight has been lifted and we learn something about ourselves.

If you have mature individuals around you, getting the truth out will not be a difficult process because a mature person appreciates the value of honesty and objectivity, even though it may be difficult. If you love the person there is always a possibility of mending the rift. There is danger in keeping your truth to yourself. So remind yourself that being real with yourself and others is the only way to get things resolved.

A Personal Dilemma

2008-07-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

I NEVER like to write so bluntly about people I know like this but this is an interesting one. Perhaps you all have a friend like this or can relate:

Ay, we always know how I write about delusional people but there is one person in particular here in my mind. She doesn’t read this and her life is basically one large pot smoking, coke snorting, blow job giving, whiskey drinking party so as you can see she is way too busy to read this.

I guess I shouldn’t put her on blast like that but it doesn’t matter at this point. We used to be very tight because I wanted to help her and I was kind of not loving myself either when we hung out hard core. But I soon became focused about my life and cleaned up my act. No more partying 8 nights a week, getting fucked up and all that jazz. It loses its luster very quickly if you ask me and as you get older your life is supposed to get better because you are supposed to be getting smarter. Needless to say we don’t see each other much because frankly I don’t like her lifestyle. She screws a new guy, or an old fuck (recycling) at least 2- 3 times a week. She gets fucked up nightly off of any drug available and thinks that as long as she’s got money from her waitress job (2 nights a week), which by the way she keeps with her or stashed in her place, cuz she refuses to get a bank account cuz she’s afraid of the IRS coming to get her for tax evasion . . .

Anyway our last conversation consisted of her going on for 45 minutes in detail about the last guy she had sex with. Yikes, way too much info. She compares herself to Sex and the City’s Samantha and I think Samantha was a hoe, there is no way she didn’t catch anything, I just find that really hard to believe. That bitch didn’t even catch a cold. So this friend wants to hang out now and I am afraid we have absolutely nothing to talk about. I think she is an addict, I think she is throwing her life away and I think her behavior screams how she does not love herself. “You should talk to her, let her know you want to help,” is what your probably saying to yourself. I have done that. I have done it so many times. She says, “Stop judging me. I’m doing all right. I can pay my rent.” Meanwhile she is paying rent on an apt filled with 4 other people because she cannot afford the last 2 bedroom apartment she just lived in because she got fired from her 15th job in 5 years. I am not exaggerating those numbers.

I do wish I could help her but she does not help herself. I feel like, since I have known her for so long that perhaps I should push her more to get help, or even give her an ultimatum. Get help or I’m outta here. I know that she leans on me because I am one of the few people in her life that have a good head on their shoulders. She has even told me “I love you, thank you for not giving up on me. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.” But the truth is I want to give up. I guess I sound like an awful person for saying this but if something bad happens to her, it’s her fault. I want her to be all right but you can only live so carelessly for so long before it bites you in the ass.

Sigh. . . . . I guess we need to have one last conversation.

Simple Pleasures

2008-06-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

I must share my latest purchase because it makes me so happy. I literally spent $3.00 on it and it is such a comfortable, practical, simple thing. It’s my new housedress,

Why is my fine young self wearing a housedress? Because its the most comfortable thing i own and from faraway it looks like a regular dress. I know that I am rather young to be sporting a housedress but this thing is a cool housedress. Its black, knee length, tighter on top them flares out. I know what you’re thinking- is she going out for cocktails? . .I guess I could be if the dress were not made of terrycloth. You know, like a towel. Yes, it’s cute, and made of a towel! So even if you are not totally dry after you’ve toweled off you have a dress, made of a towel, to help you out. And its black- so it more flattering. Its like wearing a robe- but classier. My life is very hectic at the moment so it really is the little things that make things seem easier. Ahhh, I almost feel like I’m wrapped up in a soft little blanket right now. I’ll take a pic when I’m not wearing it and show you guys my favorite dress. :-)))

Me Talk Pretty

2008-06-16T12:01:00.001-07:00

I notice a growing phenomenon among the young adult population and frankly its irritating me. My cousin has coined the term “teentards” for the teenage generation out there and I find it rather appropriate. I ride the rain everyday with these little buggers and everyday without a shadow of a doubt I want to turn around and face them and yell “SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!”

These kids don’t know how to talk. To adults or each other. They use way too much slang and don’t realize the importance of learning English. I am not talking about how you speak amongst your friends because even as adults we speak a different form of English with one another, but luckily all of my friends know when its time to kick back and when its time to put on our professional hat.

Learn how to speak. Learn how to shut it on and off. Young people think that’s its cool to speak the same way to everyone. I have news for them; in this place we call USA a command of the English language is needed to move ahead. I love my culture and my people and respect and admire other cultures but we must all face the reality that is the American Culture. In order to move ahead we must have a strong grasp of Standard English.

I have studied and worked with children for several years, the majority of them being bilingual. There is such a fear that the child will lose their culture and language because they are immersed in English all day long at school. Let me ease your minds. . .that will not happen. If a YOUNG child is spoken to in exclusively Spanish at home and exclusively English in another they will learn both languages. The way the brain is set up it is able to distinguish language in contextual situations. Even by age 3 a child is able to turn to his mommy and speak to her in Spanish then turn to his friend and speak to him in English because he is aware of the difference. This being said parents as well as another adults in the child’s life owe it to the child to support them and encourage them to be well versed in English. It is also important to teach them why. Teach them that its okay to speak differently with their friends but when talking to adults or authority figures (in English or any other language for that matter) you must speak properly because the bottom line is if you don’t people will judge you. If you lack the language skills people will assume that you lack the cognitive skills. You cannot be a lawyer or a doctor, a writer or a teacher if you use slang, or “like” every other word.

It’s not about selling out, or keeping it real. It’s not about sounding “white.” It’s about sounding smart and who gives an eff if your friends give you a hard time about it. They’re keeping it real will keep them flipping burgers while you are getting your MBA.

My effing nails

2008-06-12T18:20:00.001-07:00

How come every single effing time I do my nails it’s a 3 hour ordeal? I have a vision. I pick out a color and design. I remove, soak, clean, cuticle, oil, lotion- the whole 9. . then paint. I am so happy when it comes out nice but nooooooooooo, Ms V multi-tasker has to fuck them up somehow! Them I have to remove the freakin polish on that one nail, all the while being ever so careful as to not mess up my other beautiful nails and start over! WTF!!! Then I have to wait for that shit to dry and then low and behold, I didn’t see that smudge on my toe! I didn’t even walk anywhere! Why me!?!?!?!? And the process continues till I’ve done, like, 5 nails over again but I am so frustrated that now I’ve done all this work and have to wait for it to all dry and part of me just wants to take a cotton ball and polish remover and take it all off!!! But it won’t! Too much work has already been put in. And I will not give in. I will be victorious!!!

I will have pretty nails!!!!!!!!

"You can’t handle the truth!"

2008-06-12T18:19:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows the truth. Unless you are a complete sociopath or schizophrenic, everyone is aware of the truth in any given situation. It’s a matter of trusting yourself enough to accept it. No, many people cannot handle the truth because it does not fit inside the pretty little delusional painting they have created in their minds, but ask someone on the outside what they see and they likely see another picture.

Sometimes in this life we have to do things that may not seem very comfortable for us at the time, but that is LIFE. We have the bad so we can appreciate the good. We would not know what true happiness is unless we had something crappy to compare it to and so we need to pay attention to our current state and be aware of the things, people, environments and situations around us. Life teaches you lessons. We have these lessons to teach us how to be stronger, better people. These life lessons show us how to weed out bullshit and better yet how to see that bullshit coming a mile away. But sometimes, people apparently like the aroma of bullshit.

Keep the Change

2008-06-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

Yes, keep the “change” because the fact of the matter is, is that people do not change. If when you met someone a certain way, they are going to stay that way. Just like if you are late all the time, or don’t call people back right away. These are all character traits that people do not change. It still blows my mind that people still believe in that crap that people change. There are very few exceptions to that rule. Like if you met someone when you were 15 and now they are 30—perhaps they’ve changed! I mean they were a child then and an adult now so it’s plausible. As for meeting someone when you’re in your 20’s and meeting them again in your early 30’s?? Sure life may have changed, jobs, significant others but habits remain the same. It’s just the way humans are. Remember this: When dealing with a habit or trait that bothers you about someone, either learn how to deal with it or move on. Whether they are your friend or lover, I’ve said it before and I will say it again, you cannot change another person. The only thing you can change is yourself so if someone irritates you to the high heavens change your situation. Deciding that you don’t want that person around you is not something to feel guilty or upset about. On the other hand you should feel proud of yourself that you chose YOU over some other person who aggravated you anyway. I don’t know about you but sanity is one of my best friends, and I wouldn’t let anyone or thing get in the way of my peace.

A Family Affair

2008-06-05T18:12:00.000-07:00

In response to the question as to what inspired the other poem, i have created another poem for the answer- go me!! I have written, like, 4 poems EVER in my life so again this is no Edgar allen Poe---it doesn't even rhyme, but hey it suits its purpose.

A while ago I had a friend who I treated like a sister
Until she became so needy that she wanted me like a mother
I supported her and supported her like only family does.

I had another friend who was a brother of my lover
And these two strangers crossed paths.
They hung out briefly, while in mixed company
No one thought anything of it.

But moving on. . .

She was kind of a mess and only getting worse
So like a best friend I told her to shape up---
Stop playing yourself.

She didn’t like it and I couldn’t stand it so
we divorced.

We were now separated and she pursued
Her now acquaintance and attempted
A physical encounter.

While in his company she divulged her true feelings
And kind of dogged me out.
Of course she was mad cuz I was the one who filed for divorce
And I had everything and she got nothing in the settlement
Oh well, I said, because
He is tied to my family and you have no place
In this family court.

Some time went by and we crossed paths again
But now I am not attached.
She lives her life in the same way and I do not.
I do not waste my time trying to help those who do not help themselves.
I love her. I feel sorry for her. But I am not indebted to her.
She is like a fourth cousin, twice removed.

Keep Playing Yourself

2008-06-05T09:38:00.001-07:00

Now keep in mind that I'm an artist. . .and I'm sensitive about my shit." -Erykah Badu

For real tho- I don't consider myself a lyrical artist at all. I am more of the visual kind but these words came to me literally years after an event that inspired them:

You saw his style you liked his swagger
said "what the fuck this shit don't matter,
If it gets back to her it'll be through him and by that time
I should be done with him."

Claim to be down for the cause
thats why you give up them draws
Of course he was down too,
Whats a nukka to do,

Especially when you throw it at him. . .

But once again you thought yourself so fly,
thought that he would give you a serious try
but you gave that shit up at warp speed,

Bitch please

Luckily I'm grown so I get over it fast.
Thought you'd use ur sex once again
as means to your own end.

I got ur message little girl
To bad that shit you do is so tired.

Its all said and done, much time has gone by
You still play those games between yourself and others
Being that "powerful" person between the covers.
I forgive you becasue u can never touch me.

Never Be Like Me
Look Like Me
or Have What I Have

You sent ur message thru a friend of mine
but all secrets come out in time
Both of you are sorry, and transparent fools
think you are unique, cuz u don't take heed to the rules

Go through men like another notch on your belt
You a player only because you be playing yourself

A New Breed

2008-05-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

I must speak on something for a moment. I have had this discussion with several women and men in my life and lets put it on the table for discussion: Gold Digging.

Now what comes to mind when I tell you that? I am sure most people would define this as a woman who is after a man’s money. Who will use his money over hers (if she has any) and will get him for every red cent. But ladies and gentlemen there has been a revolution occurring right under our noses. While us ladies are getting degrees and climbing up the corporate ladder in addition to being fly, being moms and wives there is a new breed of man out there and it may even be someone you know. The male gold digger.

Now I do understand that in this day and age it is very possible and occurs frequently that a woman makes more than a man. But the important thing to remember here is that you are both working and contributing your fair share monetarily, to the relationship. I also understand supporting your significant other if 1) they are going to school and trying to better themselves so that when they get out they will be making more money in the end or 2) the other person is physically ill and does not have the means to contribute financially. 3) The person has recently lost their job and is in the interim pounding the pavement looking for something. Note 1 and 3 *and sometimes2, are all TEMPORARY.

Now what about this male gold digger I was telling you about. Well first of all why any real man would allow his woman to support him financially is beyond me. I always thought that a real man did whatever he had to do to provide for himself as well as his significant other. Also I hope not to offend any woman that is in this position, forgive me; I don’t want to sound like I am attacking at all. Please if I am wrong, comment and tell me why it is okay to support a man who deceives you out of his money with excuses. If a man is physically able to work, but denies it or is unwilling to work, you know what that makes him? Lazy. Selfish even. Some men say they are working on finding a job. If they were looking that hard they would have one. Some men may even ask you to invest in an idea they think will make them money. Run the other way. It’s not your job to invest in someone else’s dreams. Tell that fool to get a job or hit the bricks

The bottom line is that everyone in this day and age needs a steady income. It really doesn’t matter what you do but one thing is for sure. If a couples money ain’t right that shit is not going to work. Point blank. Love does not pay the bills so ladies if you have encountered such a man, please throw that one back into the ocean. There are many more men out there that will treat you right and not make you pay for them when you go out or worse yet them and their friends (yikes! I’ve seen that one too! Not pretty). If you got your *ish together than it shouldn’t be hard to find a man with the same attitude. Be patient and tell those gold diggin men to come back when they have something more to offer than a headache.

Addendum: Beauty Buzz

2008-05-26T20:02:00.001-07:00

As an addition to my previous entry Beauty Buzz I would like to add something. As I am in the interim of haircuts right now (bangs growing out) one has to get creative with what they do with their hair. And that gets me to my philosophy about hair.

Yes it probably sounds trivial or silly to some but I for one think hair is extremely important. Especially as a woman (but I know that men love their hair too). At any rate hair is important. It is in fact your most important accessory. It befuddles me why people keep the same hairstyle for extended amounts of time. (I always want to do something new with my hair). Would you wear the same clothes or jewelry every single day? I am just saying that there is so much variety to be experienced out there, new fun things to try . . .why not go for it? This is fun experimentation. No drugs, alcohol or anything dangerous so viva el cabello!! I want to dye my hair right now!

If you dye it the wrong color- you can fix it and if you cut your hair too short- it will grow back. It’s not permanent which is another alluring thing about experimentation. Wonderful, glorious, hair! Have you loved your hair today?

Beauty Buzz

2008-05-23T13:50:00.001-07:00

What is Beauty?

To be physically attractive is one thing but beauty is another. I see tons of beautiful people everyday. I try my best to ignore all the magazines on the shelves that house pictures of the new skinny “it” girls that are everywhere. Too look and compare yourself is just so self defeating that its pointless to me. And people cannot say that they don’t look at these pictures and compare themselves because we do. It’s a reaction that has been bred in us for a long time. And no I don’t think its natural- I think its something that has been cultivated by our “bigger and better” American culture. Its sick.. . .but it digress.

Since I like many have been raised in such a media driven culture obsessed with image I have tried to make amends with it. I cannot help but like pretty, shiny things. But on the flip side I certainly can tell the difference between cute, pretty, fly etc, and beauty.

There is a big difference between enhancing and fighting nature when it comes to beauty. It makes me almost physically ill to see all of the botox, boob jobbed, rhinoplastied prancing around claiming beauty. That is not what real beauty is.

Beauty is your essence. It is all the positive things about you working together and it emits from you. It makes that what is physically on the outside look better. When you are in the presence of real beauty, you know it.

I am not saying don’t brush your hair or do your make up. No way. I am huge fan of those things because they enhance the natural features that you have. The problem arises when we fight what nature has given us. The key is to work with what you’ve got. God gave you certain attributes and you have the power to make them work for you. Small chest. Who cares? So don’t wear halter-tops, but there is still a lot of stuff you can wear, probably more than someone with very large breasts. Got big ol’ knockers? Get some good support and show some sexy cleavage! Curly Hair? Rock that shit!!! Don’t spend hours straightening (and damaging!!) your hair when God gave you personality on your head!! Pin straight hair- well shoot, only those people can wear certain haircuts that would drive me crazy. . .

Embrace it! All I’m saying is that each and every one of us has tools and gifts that we can use to enhance ourselves and accent our natural beauty. When you enhance yourself in this way, you embrace exactly how and who you are. That is where real beauty stems from as well. In this way you will be having the inside and the outside working for you and it will show. It comes across as sexy and confident and no amount of padding or injections can give you that.

Bad Habits

2008-05-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

Is there ever a way to break our bad habits? I am not talking about little things like nails biting, and swearing. I am talking about the types of things that affect our quality of life. Perhaps it has to do with your “tendency” to end up in the same place over and over again. When you find that you are – yet again, in a very familiar predicament, don’t you think its time to face the music? The answer to why you are in such a pickle-again- has everything to do with you. Not the Universe, God or the people you roll with.

You may be jobless, homeless, friendless, penniless. . .whatever it is if its happened more than once in your cognizant adult lifetime than I am almost positive that the problem and the solution lay within the same place- yourself.

This bad cycle sounds exhausting but there are some that go through it. It’s bizarre because people on the outside can see it but those on the inside are wondering “Damn, why don’t people just understand me?” Well get your head out of the clouds and down into reality because that is the one thing you haven’t tried out yet. Once these habitual, hardheaded people realize that the only thing you have to work with is the truth then and only than can real progress be made. Life is about two sides, ying and yang, the good and the bad. Everyone sacrifices some of themselves to get what they truly want but that sacrifice is self made by hard work.

Think about what is truly valuable to you long term. That’s how you decide what you are willing to give up. . .but in place of what you gave up is success. And success is not always made up by money. Sacrifice is a part of life. Period. And there is nothing wrong with sacrifice. It makes us strong people with character and history.

Little Miss Bossy

2008-05-01T14:45:00.000-07:00

A dictionary definition will tell you that bossy means the following : given to ordering people about; overly authoritative; domineering. Ha! “ordering people about” sounds British or something. It also makes me laugh. There is such a negative meaning around it.

I remember the first time I heard someone say that I was bossy- I was taken aback. I refuted it. I became defensive. . . .I also was about 11 years old. This goes to show you that I had a strong character then. Upon much reflection and into my later teen years I realized something—shit, I am bossy. I have learned to reign in this trait and refine it. I realize that being bossy isn’t the best personality trait, but being the perpetually balanced Libra that I am I do not worry about because I am also very diplomatic. To be honest I was just very vocal about my opinion and being young and naïve I just thought that everyone had strong opinions and better yet, perhaps they agreed with me.

Of course come to find out that some people don’t , but some people do. Such is the beauty of life my friends, you can choose to agree or disagree. Opinions are like assholes. . . . . everybody’s got one.

Bossy can be bad, but it can also be good. There are many women out there that are considered bossy bitches because they are ambitious and go after what they want. They may also be perceived as a bossy bitch because they know what they don’t want. What if a man were to be called bossy? I don’t think I have ever heard of it but I am sure the men are perceived as “no nonsense” and “strong” because they are in control of their world and have the guts to say and do what they want whatever the circumstances. So why is it when a woman is the one being upfront and not afraid to speak from the mind and heart that she is bad? Now she ‘s a bitch, mean, whatever adjective you choose. I beg to differ. Both men and woman are not so black and white. We are multidimensional creatures. As for me my strong will and strong feelings are shown when I feel passionate about something. This may occur under different circumstances. Whatever the case may be I am one with strong convictions and that doesn’t bother me. I am fully aware that it may bother others. . .but then maybe those people should have stronger convictions about themselves.

Life is good, indeed, but it isn’t all marshmallows and butterflies. Standing up for what you accept and what you don’t want will undoubtedly cause a difference of opinions and/or reactions but you must stand for something. Be realistic about what you want and what does not fly with you. If you are clear about what is acceptable or not acceptable in your world and why, then you will be alright. There is nothing terribly wrong with being bossy when you are expunging negativity from your world. Maybe if we all took some bossy classes then we would have more of what we want in our own lives as opposed to wishy washy bullshit that distracts you from your true goals. Sigh. . . .once again these are merely opinions. . . .and everybody, even you, has got them ; -P

Great Expectations

2008-04-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

People have different opinions when it comes to expectations. Some people think that expectations are bad because if you have them you will ultimately be let down. Others think they are okay as long as you have them for no one except yourself. And then there are those that that think that expectations are necessary to reach goals and set standards in life.

Of course individuals should have expectations for themselves. That’s where it all begins. You set these goals for yourself because you want the quality of your existence to be better. To set goals for the people in your life is a little ridiculous and unrealistic, but it is not unrealistic to want to see others aim for their full potential whatever it may be. Would you want to hang out with someone that has limited expectations of themselves? What do you think a person like that brings to your life? Drama, stress and probably lack of quality experiences. I suppose it fundamentally it comes down to having your own expectations but human beings cannot deny that many of these expectations are tied to other factors in our lives. It’s a reality that some try and escape or twist around with words to make sense of their disappointment (of themselves or others).

What would your life be like with no expectations I wonder. Would we all just float through life waiting for things to happen to us, because after all we do not want to be let down? Is it natural to expect things from others? For example, do you expect to be treated the way you treat others, do you expect that other people will do the right thing? Perhaps the answer is yes.

As human beings it is perfectly natural to have expectations for yourself as well others in your life, especially if you care about them. Your parents and loved ones expect you to succeed. If you work hard in your job you would expect a raise at your next review. If someone treats you like crap shouldn’t that person expect crap in return? Expectations are not a bad thing; it is our way of setting the standard of our lives. Your expectations of certain things may change, but it usually occurs when you’ve decided that you can expect nothing but a negative outcome anyway. If and when this occurs with a particular situation, its important to keep in mind that it’s all a part of life. Maybe it’s something that you can almost always count on . . . .or expect ;-P

Blue Steel

2008-04-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

Totally random I know but this is just an observation. . .

Why do male models always look sooooooooooooo gay!!! It cracks me up really it does. I know to many women they may perceive these men to be Adonis’s, gorgeous, and such and many of them are. . .if you like that kind of thing. They are good looking creatures but I can’t help but say to myself- God you look gay. Are you sure you’re not gay? I think you’re gay. . .even though I am sure that many of them aren’t. And it cracks me up even more when multiple male models hang out together!! (think Zoolander, Orange Mocha Frappuccinos!!) Hahahaha! Then they really look gay! I am sorry but I just couldn’t picture myself with a man who is prettier than me. I do believe in men keeping up with their appearance and grooming but the male model thing is just way too funny. I am not hating at all, I am just commenting on how funny these men are to me. How can they keep a straight face strutting down the runway in some tight ass pants, man capris and rain boots (I saw all of these in videos of fashion week I saw recently) I am sorry but I am laughing as I type this. Oh fellas, don’t be mad when people think you are a little too feminine, I am sure you know what your signing up for when you are putting on your turtlenecks and man capris right before you step out on the runway. . .Hahahaha!

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

2008-04-10T09:07:00.001-07:00

Women are funny when it comes to their relationships. We work so hard at them and when another party lets us down we take it to heart. Sometimes our friends fuck up and usually if you are good friends you say something about it. But what happens when you see your friend making mistakes, screwing up their lives and living in a clouded delusional picture of their own making? What happens when they keep on fucking up over and over again? Do you say something? Or do you resign that they will learn on their own. . .do you just give up?

I was watching an interview with this gentleman Randy Pausch last night. You may have heard of him. He is a professor who is dying of terminal cancer and instead of being “depressed or morose” as he put it he chooses to enjoy the time he has left. He spoke, movingly, of his attitude towards life, family, loved ones and his students and he said some things that rings true no matter where you are in life. He said if he had three words to tell people they would be “Tell the truth.” If he has three more they would be “all the time.” Not easy, especially when dealing with the beloved around you. But those are the people that deserve the truth the most, right?

Now my daddy is a smart man and he always told me “opinions are like a$$holes, everybody’s got one.” It is true most people have something to say, but if you feel like your friends are holding something back from you, or worse yet you are avoiding a certain topic with them its probably something you need to hear. Better yet it’s probably something you already know and don’t want to confront. Your friends are your chosen family, do you really think they would set you up for failure? If there are people that care enough to say something about the state of your life don’t you think there may be a grain of truth to what’s being said?

He said that if someone you love is telling you that you are screwing up; don’t tune him or her out. This person still cares about you. Now if no one is telling you that you are screwing up anymore, and you are still doing the same things, well this is a dangerous place to be. It means that people have given up. You don’t want those around you to give up on you. It’s a lonely place to be.

Even the Score

2008-04-09T08:40:00.001-07:00

I remember one of my favorite children’s stories from when I was a child. It was called “Miss Nelson is Missing.” It was a funny tale of a teacher, who is very kind, and has class of ungrateful little students. In essence it is a story of teaching the kids a lesson and them getting their just rewards.

Now some could say this story is about revenge. Is revenge really that bad? I do not particularly like the word revenge, nor do I necessarily believe that it is always a means to an end. I do however believe in justice. There is a difference. The difference between revenge and justice is that revenge has negative connotations. It is said that its driving force is malice. But isn’t it really all about justice? Isn’t it human to want justice and Godly to overlook that desire?

In the story of Ms Nelson, the children were awful to her despite her kindness. They threw paper airplanes, spitballs, never listened and disrespected the poor teacher. One day she does not show up, but in her place is the meanest substitute ever!! Ms Viola Swamp- and she looked and acted like a witch. She yelled at the kids all day and made them lose recess. The children then realized how good they had it with Miss Nelson and begged for her return. Little did the children know that Ms Viola Swamp was just Miss Nelson dressed up. The kids never knew and they learned their lesson. Miss Nelson would be appreciated from there on out.

All Miss Nelson wanted to do was give the students a taste of their own medicine. Some would definitely call that revenge. . . but they deserved it, did they not?

It is natural to feel these things. Nobody likes to feel that they’ve been wronged. If we lived in a world void of justice what kind of world would we live in? Does the universe always even the score, or does one sometimes have to take matters into their own hands?

Love Thyself

2008-03-31T09:58:00.000-07:00

Why are some people such gluttons for punishment? We are the most evolved beings on earth and we use our intelligence to delude ourselves and live in denial when facts are staring us in the face.

One key example is in relationships. Way too often people are going out with the “potential” of their significant others. “Well, he is not working now but he will eventually,” or “I know he is not very affectionate but if I voice my opinion enough he will change,” or whatever the case may be. People are invested in the potential of the relationship and the other person, instead of accepting them how they are. One thing is clear: You cannot change another person. No matter how much you nag, voice or complain. Even if you leave, cheat or cry. The person has to want to change and if your “other” has not changed yet the fact of the matter is he/she will not change. At least not for you. Plainly put, the truth of the matter is there is another catalyst besides you that will make him/her change----and even that is not guaranteed. As time passes and a person gets older the likelihood of them changing is quite slim. “Old habits die hard,” or so they say.

For people in this predicament, they might say to themselves “well what do I do? I love him/her.” Well who do you love more- yourself or the other person? Your self respect, self love and natural needs are going to be sacrificed because you love this other person, that obviously loves themselves more (as you should). When one realizes that their self-love is of the utmost importance and significance it shines through. It shines through as confidence and a person who is secure of themselves. That is what attracts a mate who will respect you and actually fulfill your needs and wants, because then the other person says “hey this person loves themselves enough to not settle, so I am not going to give them anything less than what they want and deserve.” On the contrary if you are constantly bending to another’s needs and demands you will undoubtedly lose yourself in the shuffle and end up disappointed. People can put up with bullshit for a long time in the name of love, and in the end they have wasted their time. Don’t be a sucker. Love yourself.

How Real is Sex and the City

2008-03-24T15:08:00.000-07:00

How real is Sex and the City?

Now I know I am not the first woman to contemplate this and I have been thinking about it more lately. I love this show and do plan on seeing the movie when it comes out. And yes I’m dressing up. If you love Sex and the City as much as I do I am pretty sure that some if not all of the following have crossed your mind:

Carrie writes about all of her friends business. Not just hers. I am the only one that noticed that?
I love Miranda as a character but is it just me or are her teeth. . . .scary. Jacked up. I don’t know. . .all I know is that if I was Steve and I wanted to get her mad I would say something about her teeth.

I also love Samantha. But if you had a friend just like her you know deep down you would sometimes say, “Damn! Stop being a hoe!” Is it possible to screw virtually a new man every other night and a) not catch an STD or b) not find a completely psychotic killer . . . .well there was that one guy, remember the young one named “Sam” and his phone number was the same as Samantha’s? And then she rocked his world and was CRAZY! That was funny! But only one? She’s lucky.

How much do people in art galleries make? You know the curators? I looked it up and they said you can make up to 50,000 a year. Up to. Not at least. How does Charlotte (Pre marriage) manage to pay for an apartment, have all those lunches/nights out, and stay decked out in designer duds?

Oh and the fact that Big finds Carrie in Paris? C’mon!

And Finally:

Why the hell did Carrie break up with Aidan?

And wasn’t it crazy uncomfortable when she saw him later. . .with a baby!? Damn, could of been you Carrie but you decided to date Post It boy and Wrinkly Russian Balls.

And Why the hell Didn’t Charlotte test drive the car before she bought it? I am of course referring to Trey, who she married in 3 months aka 9.5 seconds.

Am I really supposed to believe that these women wear high heels every single day?

Or that they never have to carry more than one bag?

How much money do you think they pay a month on taxi rides? 2? 3 thousand?

Carries shoes are always a bazillion dollars more than her clothes. And I was not feeling the enormous flower thing when she brought that trend into the scene.

I can’t wait for the movie!

Beauty Sin of the Week: Lace in your face

2008-03-22T11:35:00.000-07:00

Generally I don’t mind leggings themselves as long as you wear them correctly. They should always be flattering to your figure and complement your outfit. But the lace thing has never flown with me. I cannot believe that I just saw 3 people wearing them today and it makes me a little sad. They are not only not that cute, they are played out. Put them away; use them to work out (but cut the lace off) wear them under jeans when it’s cold but stop wearing them!! Don’t be a fashion victim! Just because they are in your neighborhood Rainbows does not mean you should pick up a pair.

Welcome to 2008 people! Leggings with the lace came back about 2-3 years ago. I was horrified when I saw them then, and am even more so now. Yes they were the hot shit back in the 80’s but we should remember that the 80’s was 20 years ago and some trends should be left to die (shoulder pads anyone?).

I don’t know what it is about these lacy leggings but they are just not cute on anyone. Unless of course you are a 3 year old. Perhaps its because they look dated and become the uncute focal point of an outfit. Its that damn lace it tell you! Ladies do yourselves a favor and step away from this fashion faux pas. Rest assured if I am thinking this there has to be other women thinking the same thing. If someone on the train is checking you out in these things its not because it looks super cute, they are probably thinking the same thing I am:

Let it go. . . . . . .

The Benefit of the Doubt

2008-03-21T13:02:00.000-07:00

I am not old, but I am not that young and if there is one thing I have learned it is to never ever give someone the benefit of the doubt.

Who made up this phrase? Its really retarded if you think about it. I suggest we break it down. According to the statement- first the person has a doubt. It could be a first impression, a gut reaction, instinct, all of these are the same feeling you realize. Or it could be actions that a person did that went against what he/she said. Either way there is a clear doubt in your mind that something is up. Now if for some reason you believe that this particular person is not being honest or is shady, or whatever the case may be why would you still say- fuck it, I am going to try and like this person and put myself on the line anyway? Stupid stupid stupid.

This person has already shown their face, their true face that is, and it is up to you to decide if you want to deal with their bullshit. How many times have you said- well I know they did this before, but I am going to give them the benefit of the doubt. Now how many times did that end up good? I can’t think of one instance in my lifetime. I can however think of many times where I am left kicking myself saying, “Damn I knew I shouldn’t have given that person the benefit of the doubt!!”

Basically we are all animals, made up of the same stuff. We already know the truth. It is just a matter of accepting it no matter how inconvenient it may be. One thing is for sure, if you have doubt, do not ignore it. It is your own God given survival instinct telling you to listen up this situation/person is not good. There is no one out there that is going to look after you better than you. So wise up to what makes you tick and read the signs before they bite you in the ass. Anyone who instills doubt within you deserves none of your benefits anyway.

Thou Shalt Not. . . .

2008-03-15T15:55:00.000-07:00

In this wonderful city of New York I am sometimes overloaded with images in my brain. Of you live here you know what I mean. Throughout the day you take in sights, sounds and yes smells (most not good) and they all become a part of your mental catalog. I love to observe everything around me, and one of those things is people.

I ride the train and I am out and about all day long and I draw inspiration from things around me that are aesthetically pleasing. In a city like New York there are an abundance of things to look at and I have noticed that there are some offenders of things that well, look good. I call these beauty sins. Sigh. . . . .

5. Jeans that don’t fit. Now it depends on the look you are going for but if you are thin, don’t wear jeans that sag in your knees or ass. C’mon, we have so many options and if you are on the bigger side no one wants to have an inner debate whether its denim or paint on your legs.

4.There is no reason whatsoever in NYC to have an ugly bag. You can find a functional, cute bag in almost every corner in almost every borough. There is no excuse.

3.Tanorexia. It’s an epidemic people. I must admit it is less prevalent in Manhattan but in some other boroughs (ahem bridge and tunnel) it’s out of control. You look like oompa loompas. It’s not sexy. Be happy with the skin God gave you. No one is naturally orange-the jig is up.

2. A bad weave. I understand a lot of girls wear weave, but the selection in NY for good hair is really a force to be reckoned with. I understand that we can’t always get the good stuff but that’s what the cheaper ones are for- put that shit in a bun and call it a day. Think of it as the sleek debutante look or something.

1.Over tweezing your eyebrows. These tweezer happy people make it very hard for me to look elsewhere. It’s almost like a car wreck, you just have to figure out what went on! Ay yay yay, people, please be aware that a bad tweezing job cannot just cause attention to your bad brows but perhaps other features that you may not want to focus on. Pick a shape that is flattering. And men, only tweeze to clean it up and get rid of a unibrow.

Mommy Dearest

2008-03-15T15:30:00.000-07:00

When you meet someone new everyone has his or her own background and own story to tell. You can meet a nice man, with a decent job and then he lays it on you- he has children. Does that deter you from seeing him further?

I know that it may seem like a bit of a touchy subject but everyone has to be honest with themselves here. I love children. I have made them my life’s work, but to become a deep, significant part of someone’s life that already has children I think that you should not take the issue lightly.

Perhaps that is why I never really pursued any man or relationship that had children. I figured I was young enough to have that option. I figured if I am 20 something and I have no kids and no baby daddy drama I expect the same lack of drama from my partner, and why would it be too much to say that I have made the decision to not get deeply involved with someone who had a child or children. Nor do I think it’s a completely selfish decision.

I do understand the age we live in and realistically there are many single parents out there who do a damn good job and should not be penalized for being single and having a child. Along the same vein I also do believe that the conscious, careful parents think about how their relationships, especially the long term ones, may affect their offspring. Its something that I would imagine he/she considers every time they get involved with someone and it is going towards that deeper direction.

If you make the decision to become close to that person you will inevitably come across the child and have some kind of relationship with them. Children do not understand until much later on that “it didn’t work out.” To sign up to date someone with children is not just to go into a relationship with them but eventually their child as well. Are you ready for such a responsibility? Are you thinking of how the child may feel about you, woman and relationships in general if you are in the picture one day, out the next? If you are entering a new family unit realize your role in that unit and the importance of the child as well. Hopefully all adults involved in a situation like that will consider the influence of the child presence in their decision-making. If not you may be bargaining for something that you are not ready for.

Woof woof

2008-03-13T12:04:00.001-07:00

There are all types of men out there. And many women would say that most of them are dogs. I can agree to a certain extent, but a good man was trained by his mama to respect women and you shall receive respect in return.

Unfortunately for the men out there who like to “pee” on everything and act like dogs, you give the good man a bad name.

Every man should know what type of man he is. It is only fair to him and the woman/women he is dealing with. For instance:

If you are a man who likes to sleep with many women, knock yourself out. But be forewarned you should ALWAYS wear a condom and also do not lead a woman on. If you are saying one thing, then get the goods and act a different way after that, that makes you an asshole and one day you will do such a thing to a crazy girl and she will, I don’t know, key your car? Slash your tires? Poke holes in your condom? These things may sound crazy but I know women who have definitely done them. I am not saying that these things are okay but if they happen to you because you were a deceitful person I don’t feel bad for you. Karma is a bitch, don’t fuck with her.
OR
Lets say your just screwing your way through life, one chic after the next and again, not being forthcoming and honest and then you meet her. She’s the one; she’s hot, funny, smart, makes good money. You are totally gaga over her and now what- she decides to play you. Maybe she doesn’t want anything to do with you because you are not physically her type, maybe you were bad in bed, maybe she decided your brother was cuter and bangs him? Oh I forgot to tell you, you fucked with her cousin “Karma,” and she said haha, paybacks a bitch.

Now to all the good men out there- because you do exist. I know many of you, I must say THANK YOU for being honest. Thank you for being explicit in your intentions. In this life you reap what you sew and that is a fact. The universe has a funny way of showing you yourself and the error of your ways, so if you honestly have the best intentions and are true of heart, I tip my hat. Please teach your sons, brothers, and friends the importance of respecting women.

What type of Blogger are You?

2008-03-13T11:28:00.000-07:00

People’s blogs are out of control.

First of all, everyone has one- even me!

Second of all I feel totally invasive when I stumble upon someone’s blog and see their pictures and stuff and I am like—uhhhh, I don’t even know this person and I just saw their boobs/ friends boobs, someone peeing- whatever.

It’s like reality TV but on the computer and these people (myself included) are looking for a way to express themselves, however I have a gripe (as usual) with a certain type of blogging.

Why, oh why must we see every drunk, stupid thing you and your friends did this weekend? Isn’t that what myspace is for?

I hatez when peeplz type like diz, instead of riting proprr engli$hhh. If you’re going to write learn the language, and none of this juvenile ghetto code writing. Spare us please.

This next one is a little tricky. If you are a person in the public eye, go ahead and put up a real picture of yourself. If you are portraying a certain kind of character, that represents a part of yourself, and you put up a different kind of picture, not a problem. If you are a 22-year-old hipster living in Brooklyn- we don’t care what you look like! Again- myspace is the forum for that.

And finally, and this is just one woman’s opinion- post something that has substance. That sends some sort of message, perhaps something that will make people think. And if the goal is entertainment, try and dazzle your audience with some talent and not just the same old potty humor type, drunken escapades we can see on MTV.

Happy blogging!!!!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

2008-03-07T05:14:00.000-08:00

There are a lot of clichés or refrains out there that may seem well, cliché. But they are said for a reason. One of these is that "actions speak louder than words." Someone can tell you many things but if their actions contradict what they tell you beware and proceed with caution, this may not be someone you want part of your inner circle.

People all have different reasons for doing what they do. More often than not I try and adopt the belief that they are doing these contradictory things because they themselves are not sure on how to express themselves or are truly conflicted about what they want. There are a myriad of circumstances. However after a certain age I would have to say- get over yourself and decide what you want. Otherwise you just show people you are not as stand up as you say. We all have inner conflicts, this I know, but you should also be fair to yourself and the people around you. If someone is not being true through actions and words it is extremely hard to trust them and the type of relationship you will have with them will not be pure, genuine or truly worthwhile.

The dynamics of relationships are tricky and you should know where you stand with people. Some people are in fact acquaintances and they will show you this through their actions. This is sometimes disheartening if their words and actions contradict themselves constantly but read the signs and trust that if this person is being so fickle all the time it really isn’t about you, its about them.

Ultimately you can only control your actions and that’s what matters. If you come to the table being yourself and true of heart then it really doesn’t matter what Mr. or Mrs. Fickle is doing. They apparently have enough issues of their own.

Damn the Man

2008-03-07T04:53:00.000-08:00

We all know what rules are. They have been introduced to us since we came out of the womb and we have been bombarded with them so much that now we make them for ourselves. This may not be entirely bad because I do believe that everyone should hold himself or herself to a certain standard and respect them but for the most part- rules suck. Damn the Man and his rules!

There are rules set in place by the powers that be to keep us safe and protect the innocent but I am talking about other rules. Today in the classroom the lead teacher said to my student- "don't build that tower too high Charly, you might get hurt," she warned. First of all the "blocks" were these humongous light plastic lego looking things (think Super Mario 3 in the Giant level) and would only hurt if you dropped them from fifty feet. Charly is not 50 feet tall. He's 3 and is lucky if he's 4 ft tall. Anyhow the warning irked me a bit because she was stifling his creativity!! He's 3!! He was building and exploring and creating and I hate telling kids to stop what they are creating (unless they can go back to it later) because I literally feel like I am taking something away from them. Rules like that are lame. That rule came from the teacher’s fear of other children doing the same thing and for fear that other children may get “hurt.” It may have been possible that the blocks may have fallen on someone accidentally but like I said, these were not solid wooden blocks and I was there anyway giving the children enough space each to work as they wished. I don’t care about noise or messes in the creative/learning process. More often than not, they go hand in hand.

As I mentioned before it’s very important to think outside the box and how else have we learned things in our own lives than by breaking the rules? Lets say the tower did fall, and it fell on a friend or his foot. The friend would learn to not play right next to a tower (sorry friend) and Charly would learn to be careful building towers next to his friends because if its too high it will fall. Throughout our own lives haven't we learned through our mistakes? By breaking our own rules? Have you ever gotten lost on the train before? You learned a new place to go to as well as the one you were supposed to get to. Have you ever gone out with someone because you feel lonely? You realize that wasting your time with that person does not outweigh the many pleasurable things you could be doing with your friends or by yourself. Stifling, hindering rules. Usually they come from others fears and insecurities. Rules suck.

Instead of making rules for others make beliefs for yourself. After all the only person you can truly control is yourself. Why not set yourself up in a universe where things work for you. Adopt a belief system that respects yourself and what you are or would like to be. I am not saying be inconsiderate of those around you, in fact if your beliefs are truly positive for yourself you will in turn respect those around you even more. What they do and say will not matter because you are clear on what you need. Who knows, your positive beliefs may rub off on others and cause a chain reaction of people thinking for themselves.

Need a Fix

2008-03-04T17:58:00.000-08:00

Addiction is intense. Addiction is powerful. Addiction is crazy. I don’t mean that people who are addicts are crazy, not at tall. People sometimes misunderstand the meaning of addiction. I think to some degree everyone has an addiction. Its like a Pavlov’s dog conditioning of ourselves because its all about the stimulus and response.
Addiction is partly about trying to rationalize your feelings and knowing what your getting because other factors in your life are unpredictable and you never know what’s going to happen. Keeping our addiction gives us that amount of predictability human beings need. Sometimes it can end up bad and sometimes it can end up good but everyone has their vices. There are different levels and extremes of addiction. What fills your void?

A Matter of Life and Death

2008-03-04T17:47:00.000-08:00

Life and Death- you know that people say birth is a miracle but along the same vein so is death. Think about it, a life is brought into this world and one is “taken away.” I just read The Five people you meet in heaven- “coincidentally” the day I lost someone. I say that because there are no coincidences- everything happens for a reason, and there are signs everywhere. In the book the author says- the end is actually the beginning of something and I do believe that is in fact the truth for those who die Everyone has their own belief of what happens when you die and its usually tied to something religious. To tell you the truth I don’t really have a concrete answer as to what I think when someone dies but I do believe that it has to be just as amazing as birth. I believe this even for the most horrible human beings on earth. According to Mitch Albom’s book there is no pain, just a deep feeling of calm. Total serenity. All of your ailments are gone and you feel truly at peace. It is supposed to be so profound and indescribable that the only word I have ever heard to describe it is as “peace.”

Death like birth is a right of passage and although those who are left on earth in a human existence mourn this rite is something to be revered. I always feel sadness when I hear of death of good people but at the same time I know that where they are and what they feel after life must be so incredible and untouchable- that is why it is an enigma to the human race and we constantly try and find some way to describe it. The same way only a mother can tell you the beauty (and pain) of becoming a mother the same thing can be said for death. Perhaps it is even more profound since no one is left to tell the tale.

When someone you were connected to in a good way dies we lament but at the same time we are a bit relieved because we may hold the belief that they are in fact in a better place. They have to be, right? I mean there is no way to know or describe it but I don’t believe that your existence ends right at the moment of your death. You continue to exist in people’s hearts, dreams, thoughts prayers and sometimes more. One of Albom’s characters points out why people feel like they have to go t funerals. It’s because “the human spirit knows deep down that all lives intersect. Death doesn’t just take someone it misses someone else." No man is an island.

Creativity

2008-03-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

One must be creative. Why you ask? Because it’s essential for your development of who you are through all phases in your life. Creativity comes from within and it’s something that is innate in all of us. In such a way it could be viewed as a gift from above. One that you cannot pick up or acquire in a store or by some outside means. Creativity comes from within and inspiration comes from the outside.

I work very closely with children in my job and one of the biggest turns in education over the past decade or so is the emphasis on the child. Not a stringent curriculum of making children sit straight at their desks and write perfect letters and things of that nature. You can teach all those things based on the interests of the child and what comes from within them. That is how a good teacher empowers their students. They observe the creativity and imagination of the child and find ways to integrate that into the necessary skills that they will need to succeed. Our imagination as children is something that is revered and as we get older there is this great effort to extinguish that light for the ultimate goal of making money.

Now some are fortunate enough to get to use their creativity as a means to earn money and support themselves. Most of the rest of the population has many constraints on their job and we usually take these positions and stay there because they need to earn money to live. It is simply just the way life is. However, if you care about yourself, your spirit and your own overall happiness, it is essential that you express yourself creatively as if there were nothing stopping you. You can transform again into that child like state where your imagination was the only thing that mattered and touch that place within you that still holds the view that there are no limits. Creativity no matter what form it comes in, is a way to feel at peace and a way to give back positive energy to the universe.

Some people may complain that they do not feel creative- I beg to differ. Your gift may be one of organizing. You can clean and organize your space that looks beautiful and is very functional, while others no matter what they do cannot find enough space for their things. You may be able to draw, write, paint, do hair, sew, make jewelry, be a good listener or mediator etc. Everyone has that thing or things that they are good at. These are your creative gifts and you owe it to yourself to use them. Nothing in this life is impossible- remember that. So when you are done reading this, go and create something. You will feel good when your done I promise.